It has been several months since my last post, but I have been thinking about jumping back on here and posting again. I have had some time to acclimate myself to the situation I am in, and I have become numb to the pain I felt when I wrote my last post.I went back and re-read it, and I had almost forgotten the sharpness of the pain I felt at that point, the way I sat in front of the computer in tears as I put my heart to paper. But now... It's different... I'm okay... I have peace... It's not any easier, because Carlos still isn't here. But he isn't gone either. And I'm not alone, although some days I still feel that way. Life keeps going and moving, and stops for no man. I have learned that through experience, first when my father passed away in 2007, and now when my husband has been taken from me for a period of time. It just takes awhile to remember that you do indeed know how to breathe, that you are capable of putting one foot in front of the other, and living life has become so second nature, that you will continue to move and grow, even if only reluctantly...
When I started this blog, or started writing semi-regularly anyway, I was so high on life, with a new baby, new mother of two, learning the joys of having a boy and a girl, a big kid and a baby, watching my husband ogle over our new daughter, busy making Christmas presents for the WHOLE family... and my posts reflected that. I won't say that I wasn't real, but I will admit I was shallow in my blogging. I want to be more transparent, especially because that is something that is so hard for me to do, but something I crave with all my heart, something I long to feel: openness.
And that's what I'm going to try to do. Be open and honest about me and my life, and maybe you can relate, maybe you care, maybe not. But this is my blog and that's my prerogative, haha... To my family and friends: thanks for being there for me. I love you all so much more than you know.